736-SIGN

One summer Mom helped me land a graveyard shift job delivering Yard Signs part time for $12 an hour. The full time guy, Henri, was half-Belgian and a little unusual besides. That should have been clear from the moment he said he liked working nights...

I liked him alright, though. The first night he showed me the ropes. First, how to wrap custom-print banner messages around the 3X6 foot two-ply corrugated plastic boards. Next, how to organize the pickup and delivery invoices and map out the night's route. Then how to load the truck, making sure there aren't too many or too few of each of the 5 pieces of iron necessary to build a stand.

Each stand is 2 base bars, 2 vertical bars, and an h-bar, which brings it together. Finally Henri taught me the meticulous craft sliding a man-sized sign over top a stand.

Remember, half the jobs are pickups, so you'll be getting some extra pieces as you go. And don't forget to stake the whole thing down with streamers. Any questions?

How long does each job take?
15-30 minutes

How many jobs a night?
Sometimes 12, sometimes 30 to 35.
 
So what time do you get done?
When you finish all the invoices and unload the truck. Usually, say, maybe 5am. Ha ha... 9 to 5, right?

What if I need to put gas in the truck?
Company credit card above the sun visor.

What if I get lost?
There's an atlas under the seat. Boss lady puts MapQuest maps on the ones with weird directions. If you're in big trouble, call boss lady and boss man. But only if you really need to!

What nights will I work?
I go to motorcycle rallies on Tuesdays. You can do Tuesday and Wednesday. And I'm going to Indiana Beach for 4th of July. You can be full time that week.

Now, while it was Mom who helped land the job, she's the last person to consider the mad shit that happens when a teenage kid erects signs in front lawns in the dead of night. If she knew, she'd lose years off her life. So for the sake of her health and clear conscience, do us a favor, and let's keep Yard Signs stories a secret from her.