April 29, 2009

Look, I wouldn't recommend this too you if I wasn't sure you'd enjoy it...Visions of Gerard by Jack Kerouac is something you could read in a short amount of time and yet you'd be left with a lot of moving thoughts.

I feel similarly about The Last Tycoon and The Garden of Eden, but you might not care for reading much.

April 28, 2009

Wow, today was a pretty good day. I woke up this morning with my football in my arms. That's always a good way to get things started.

When I went past 5 Guys on the way to work, a firetruck nearly knocked me off my bike. That would have been a gnarly way to go out of this world. It's sad most of us will probably die in some hospital bed or a nursing home. Christ, that's awful.

This evening I ran out to Cameron Run Regional Park. It's kind of desolate out there for a city with 126,000 residents. The people I did see were pudgy and misshapen. Man life is harsh on people.

April 27, 2009

Wow, 10,000 B.C. came in the mail today. It's the story of a prehistoric man who's like the dog whisperer for saber tooth tigers. I think you'd like it, but I could be mistaken.

April, 27, 2009

April 26, 2009

April 25, 2009

April 24, 2009

Somewhere out there a dear old friend of mine, Ollie Ehlinger, is gazing off into the horizon, and trying oh so desperately to restrain himself from snickering.

April 23, 2009

Wow, today was one of those days. One of those days where I ate Honeycombs for breakfast and rode my bike in to work.




The real excitement came after work. My pals from the office all piled in Trog's car for a trip to Camden. The White Sox played the O's and Beirne hooked us up with club level tickets. And we met his friend Kip, a good old boy.

Interesting thing about Kip...he doesn't like Tiger Woods. He likes Lefty. He says Lefty is at, I don't know, -10 in life while Tiger's only at -2.

April 22, 2009

Wow, today I met a girl from across the street after 9 1/2 months of being her neighbor. Children have been conceived and born in that time.

You see, I urgently needed a vacuum for my carpet. I fried the motor in ours trying to flush my roommate's filth from the hose. I'm getting a replacement from a friend soon, but in the meantime order must be kept. So after a lot of pacing and pondering I mustered the nerve to cross the street and ask to borrow one.

The girl's name is Rebecca, or possible Rebekah. She's very kind and friendly. She works for an angel investor in the arts and entertainment industry. She's a UNC grad and thinks she might know Tristan Heinrich, a former Tarheel tennis player. It's a small world after all, but it was seriously a big street to cross.

April 21, 2009

Look, there's a lot of music I like and some I don't. Some songs we all can enjoy are Something in the Air by Thunderclap Newman and that song Neil Young wrote, Burned.

That said, I think it best you immediately listen to Gloria by U2.

April 20, 2009

Ought oh, 4/20...you know what that means?

That's right! It's my Papaw's and my Uncle Keith's birthday. Pretty crazy that two of my close family members would have the same birthday.

Except, statistically, it's not that crazy at all...

Let's assume I have 30 close family members, or for saying's sake, say you have 30 close family members. The chances two of them share a birthday is 70.6% - that's better than the chance of a college basketball player making a free throw attempt. F-ing-A. Blows your mind right?

April 19, 2009

Wow, today was rough. I watched The Blue Lagoon. It's where these two children get stranded on an island and end up discovering how their sex parts work. I told Whitney we should watch it naked some time and see how long we could hold out. But seriously, I think the Devil loops this movie in maybe the 4th or 5th circle of Hell - gradually bringing all the sinners to shivers, tears, and anguish.

April 18, 2009

Wow, today was not too shabby. The Kid had a sick party on his roof deck. He cooked some great food on the grill and played some good music on his turntable.

The New was there too - yelling HEY at a party two houses down. At some point in the night he had me look around and appreciate the fact that we were at a party with more girls than guys. He was right, we were. That never happens!

April 17, 2009

Before...

And after...

April 16, 2009

April 15, 2009

April 14, 2009

April 13, 2009

April 12, 2009

April 11, 2009

April 10, 2009

One night I was brushing my teeth before bed. Anthony came in the house with some company. It was an older man with a shabby look and a strong tobacco smell. He needed a shave. And apparently a place to sleep.

I asked Anthony how long he was staying. "I don't know. He's from the program." (AA)

Turns out his name is Steven. He had a job in China town but that dried up. He asked what I do and I told him I'm a writer. He said he is too. Mostly on napkins and in journals, you know, but he lost all his writing when his car was impounded.

He stayed one night and now he sleeps by the river every night. He stores his belongings in our shed. Wow.

April 9, 2009

When I'm in the house at the same time as Anthony, I notice he's usually in his underwear idling in front of his computer. Clicking. Scrolling. Clicking. Clicking.

April 8, 2009

It was a quiet Saturday and I was about to go outside. Suddenly Anthony came bustling up the sidewalk and in an urgent tone said to me, "Hey man, did you know the landlady is coming over?"

No, how was I supposed to know that? 5 minutes later, she was there. With her Realtor. and her son. and her sister. and her sister's son. and someone who stayed out in the car.

This lady is a black woman, which may or may not be why Anthony eagerly told her he's been listening to a lot of soul music. In any case, she wanted to look over the house and explore her options now that the market is turning around.

(Do 6 houses for sale on my street mean the market is turning around?)

Anthony started off by showing her my room and making a bad joke about how messy it was. Then they examined the kitchen and noticed the broken oven handle.

That happened when Anthony scooted (jerked) the oven out to catch a mouse. Of course, I took the implicit fall when he said: "oh i'm never in the kitchen, i've cooked, like, two meals since I moved in here. riiight."

Finally the axe fell on him. The landlady and her Realtor told Anthony he needs to pay the rent on time or they'll evict him. It was news to me he didn't pay. Quick to scheme, Anthony proposed they let him cut a six month rent check right now and give him a $200/mo. break for it. Our visitors smelled a rat. A smelly, smelly rat.

April 7, 2009

Anthony popped in my room today as he was coming in the front door. He saw my track flats lying beside my bed. He grabbed one and looked it over. They are white, yellow, and orange T-4's, a popular model.

"That's busy," he said. Then he gave me a goof look, dropped the shoe, and bounded up the stairs.

April 6, 2009

I bought a new shower curtain at Ollie's. It was a cheap, carolina blue number. I used it to replace our stained and moldy, beach-themed shower curtain, which I threw in the trash.

"DUDE, what did you do with my shower curtain? It cost me 60 bucks. I bought that 2 years ago!"

Oh shit, Anthony my bad. It was really dirty...now it's out in the trash can.

"That new one looks like crap. All you had to do was wash it. Will you just, like, go get it and put it in the washer?"

Fuck off.

April 5, 2009

What's funny is, Anthony hates dirty dishes. He doesn't mind a moldy shower curtain. He can live with grass 2 feet high in the front yard. He doesn't mind walking on carpet where flecks of dirt get stuck to your feet. And it's no big deal if the trash is overflowing out of the can and onto the floor. Old egg shells and McDonald's fries strewn about.

But when it comes to dishes, he wants them washed! I understand. It's a small kitchen and we don't have many dishes to begin with. That's why I wash mine at least every other day.

Once in a while, I slip. Maybe I've let things pile up for three days. So Anthony either washes them for me or gets on my case in a hurry (usually he just adds to the pile). I tell him he doesn't have to do mine for me, to which he says: "Dude, we'll get bugs you know, right?"

Right, I concede. Right. But now look at our sink: 15 consecutive days with his dirty mugs, dirty glasses, dirty PB&J knives, dirty spatulas. There were other dishes he dirtied, but I cleaned those because I own them and wanted to use them myself.

Unfortunately, we've already got bugs. They live upstairs in the room above mine.

April 4, 2009

The dishes had sat in our sink for days. A few were mine, many were Anthony's. The few that belonged to me had been dirty for perhaps 36 hours. The others had been there much longer.

At some point during the afternoon Anthony came home and grabbed the mail from the mailbox. It must have been Tuesday because it was mainly flyers. When Anthony came into the kitchen he looked at the sink and threw the mail into the air with disgust. Ads flew out everywhere.

Then he went to his room and shut the door and sat in front of his computer playing with his mouse.

Bryan came home some time later and discovered the additional mess. He went upstairs to ask Anthony if everything was ok? Anthony muttered something about the dishes.

So Bryan, like a dog with his tail between his legs, cleaned up the entire kitchen.

April 3, 2009

Wow, it's been a while.

My roommate Anthony asked me if I still posted, and why did I stop? He said he thought this blog was funny. Funny, I thought, since a good many posts make you out to be my antagonist.

Well, Anthony, here you go...the next few days will be all about you, roach.

April 2, 2009

I like people who are good at exaggerating. Let me explain...

If you are good at exaggerating you're an exciting person to have a conversation with. If you're bad at exaggerating, you're simply a jackass. And if you don't exaggerate often, you're like me and you're OK.

April 1, 2009

Wow, April Fool's Day...

Not many good jokes, yet there have been some good competitions lately. Let me share a few...

Last week I played Yahtzee against Christine - lost 200-207
A couple days ago we ran 4 on 4 at the Lee Center - lost all 3 games
Jodi and I played Battleship yesterday - she won in an epic comeback
Today The Boss and I played The New and The Kid in pong - lost best of three (21-17 final game)

Plus a few others...

"Eat 5 Peeps" race - Anand beat me 22.7 seconds to 23.3 seconds.
Bumper pool - Trog defeats me 3-2 in a best of 5 series
Billiards - Smoked Whitney twice Saturday and The New twice today! Victory at last!